Either In Bed Or Not
By Russ Bickerstaff
Send my wife feeling I need to get out of bed. I guess I'm probably doing that. As I'm looking around I'm seeing that. I'm quite clearly vertical. But there's something strange about it. Because I still feel like I'm laying down. I know that's probably not right. But I know that's probably how I feel anyway. It probably feels like I'm standing up even though I'm laying down. Or maybe it feels like I'm laying down even though I'm standing up. But I know that there's either a vertical or a horizontally-inclined sort of situation going on here.
And I feel like I'm probably in the wrong place. But at least I can move around. Either I'm rolling around or walking around. Either way I'm around. And I feel pretty good about the fact that I'm around. And I feel pretty good about the fact that I'm around myself and no one else. I mean, I'm not exactly in the company of fathers. So I can feel as disoriented I need to feel. And maybe in time I will be able to get some sense of coherence about the whole situation. But for right now I'm either in bed or not.
So I can roll around I can walk around. Either way I'm moving. So I'm perfectly happy to be moving. I'm perfectly happy to be moving where I am. And doing what I needed that I'm doing. And everything seems more or less perfectly where it needs to be right now. I suppose I do as well. I suppose I feel exactly where I need to be right now. I feel like I'm doing exactly exactly what it is that I need to do. However, I can't just be rolling around. I can't just be walking around. There has to be a reason for it.
I'm looking at the numbers. And the numbers seem to temple together in my head. And I know that there's something about them that seems to be very familiar. And I'm not sure what it is. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that those numbers that seems significant in relationship to sound that I just heard. And that sound seems very familiar. Like there is something about it that just has to be very, very familiar. I really don't know what it is. But I know it is something about it being a certain situation. That a certain situation with a certain time of the day. It's morning.
And given the fact that it's the morning, there's a good chance that I have to go to work. There's every indication that that sound that I just heard was the alarm. The alarm was going off. I I feel as though that's going to be most likely a situation in which I'm going to have to be heading off to work. Most days out of the week I am. That's roughly 5 out of seven days out of the week. I am every morning. And if the alarms going off, it's a good chance that it's an alarm that would mean that I would have to go to work. So I guess that's pretty much the situation that I find myself in right now.
I find myself rolling over. I find myself knowing that I need to get to work. Or asleep. That's the thing: it's entirely possible that my dreams are anticipating the alarm that will be going off later on. And that if that's the case, that my mind would be anticipating the time as well. Like it's not actually there yet or whatever.
It feels more than a little strange. Trying to understand it. And trying to understand where I am with respect to everything. I mean, it's just very strange. And I know that it's going to be even more too hard to understand what it is that's going on with respect to everything else as well, it feels more than a little bit confusing to try to understand as I'm rolling into further dream or walking into waking as th shower overcomes me and what I am (is confused and quite possibly totally ensconced in dream.)
I feel as though it's going to be okay as I pull on the covers of my clothing and nestle further into thoughts on the day which may, in fact, be the day in some way on some level and I feel as though I may be more or less awake in dream or dreaming myself awake as I consider the things that have to be done on the day ahead. And I feel as though I'm perfectly awake and perfectly aware of what it is that I'm going to need to be doing at this stage. All is well.
And it feels a bit strange. It feels a bit strange as I am heading off. Pretty certain that I'm probably going to be waking up soon. Or maybe falling asleep. Either way things seem to be cycling into the right moment. Either way things seem to be cycling.And it all feels like I'm moving into the right frame of mind for the progression of time. As long as I'm okay with the changes that are going to be going on, I think that all sohuld be quite well moving forward into whatever it is that's going to be going on.
And now it feels like everything is in the right space in the right place and I know that I'm rolling over or in to work. And it all feels as though it is all where it needs to be as I am all where I need to be as well, but I'm not altogether certain that I know what it is that's going to be going on with respect to any of it at all and I know that it's going to happen..work or sleep or dream or whatever. It's all going to be quite okay. Really.